You do not need my permission to fuck my partners, or talk to them, or play with them, or have coffee/dinner/drinks with them. You need their permission, period.

Really, that is it. Granted, we do have rules about STI testing and I am sensitive to disruptive, negative energy that could impact my life, but if the conditions of our relationship are met, and all appropriate
consents are in place, they can have sex with whomever they like. They can also kiss whomever they like, play with whomever they like, and generally spend time with whomever they like (all three of which are usually more likely to happen than actual sex).

What I do like is for my partners to discuss time spent with others so I know what is going on in the world in general. I am a woman who thrives on information--and I am a writer, so if that information is not present and I sense a disturbance in the force, I will fill in the missing blanks.

I am my most secure, happy, poly self when I do not have to guess about what other relationships my partners are in, and when I know I can trust my partners and will never have to guess or be surprised by information that I find out later, I can relax and just enjoy the wonderful polycule glow. The Scooby-Doo mystery van that lives in my brain can be put in the garage and forgotten.

But giving me that information is on them--not on anypotential play partners.

I do need to know about sex as that ties into my informed consent to continue to be fluid bonded with these people. But, the reality is that we do not give each other "permission" in anything but the
larger sense.

Do I want basic courtesy from anyone with whom they are involved? Yes, yes I do. They need to know I exist, and they need to be respectful of my time and relationship just as I will be respectful of theirs. But, they are not under any obligation to run anything past me.

I generally feel the same way about anyone I am going to play with, though if their partner would like to talk to me first I certainly respect that. My basic feeling is that we are all adults, and I trust if someone is going to play with me they have whatever their version of permission is for said play.